Holidays and Memories by Cathy Shouse

It’s been said probably too many times that “A picture is worth a thousand words.” But I was reminded of that phrase when a photo popped up in my Facebook feed lately. It

included almost all of the members of my dad’s side of our family. The photo was taken

50 years ago at a Thanksgiving gathering we had at my Aunt Helen’s.

There was 14-year-old me standing in a group of my beloved family members. We are a

close-knit family, with many still living in the area and others not living more than an

hour away. We see each other often, whether at the post office or at a planned get-

together.

My husband couldn’t figure out who I was in the photo. My daughter did, though!

The photo brought so many memories, and my Aunt Linda wrote, “At least 11 of these

family members are deceased. And we have added more new members than that--I can

think of 22 at least.”

That’s a lot of people to “lose.” It’s also many people to “gain.”

In thinking of why this photo resonated so much with me, I’ve decided it’s because I’ve

finally accepted, of late, that we lose people dear to us, and we must carry on. That

thought might be so simple and obvious. Maybe I’m just a slow learner. I think I’ve been

carrying the grief for these lost members, especially Mom and Dad, for longer than I

realized. Specifically, around the holidays, it’s felt like there is something missing for me.

That spark of how they celebrated has been hard for me to pick back up.

I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed the holidays, because I have. Dad’s been gone sine

2007 and Mom passed about four and a half years ago. I just lost my aunt at 95 about

three months ago. I took her loss hard. But I can look back on all of those who are gone

and see the beauty we had and carry it forward.

Somehow, this year, I’m feeling like I can really get into the season. My friend even

noticed in an email I sent her and said, “You seem in a light, festive frame of mind.” This might be due, in part, from moving more this year, since I began a strength-training program in February. Giving more attention to my spiritual life and leaning into my faith has been a blessing, too. Both have helped with providing the needed perspective.

In thinking back, the women were all great cooks. I mean, the meals we had. Wow. Aunt Helen’s counter would be full of Mom’s meatballs and all kinds of casseroles, plus delicious rolls. And the desserts. Just amazing. Mom’s cherry delight. Chocolate pie maybe and cookies of all varieties. We drew names and I still have a treasured book of fairytales my cousin, Carol, gave me one year. Our grandma made us all knitted slippers every year—and

last Christmas when we compared notes, we shared that many still have theirs. Then Aunt Linda made her knitted dishcloths and let us each pick one at Christmas. And so we go on...

My aunts remembered all of our birthdays and sent us cards as kids. When we had kids

of our own, they celebrated with us. I still have some of their sweet cards from the baby

showers.

The men were a bunch of characters. They stood around and talked about cars, and

probably farm equipment, too. They all pretty much started as farmers, and some of

them stayed farmers, too, like Dad did. Actually, Aunt Helen and Uncle Al’s house sat on

their family farm, and we went up a long, primitive country road to get there, as I

remember. We met Christmas evening and landed home late at night, with full tummies

and happy smiles of being surrounded by love.

This Thanksgiving, I did more digging into my recipes than usual. For the first time, I

made “Aunt Helen’s mac and cheese.” It’s in Aunt Linda’s handwriting and she’d given it

to me years ago.

This year, my adult kids and I made Mom’s deviled egg recipe. My boiled eggs

actually peeled easily, thanks to my Instapot. I can’t help but wonder what Mom and my

aunts would think of my needing a a $40+ gadget when they used a simple pan. But

they’d probably still love me anyway. That’s just how they were, accepting and fun-

loving, and that’s why our clan is, too.

Oh, and I ran over and borrowed the meat thermometer from Aunt Linda as I prepared

my turkey. We live across town from each other, which is just a few blocks apart. It’s just

one of those traditions that keeps us connected (and saves me from buying a meat

thermometer. They are all frugal, too.)

I hadn’t realized it but my latest book, Her Billionaire Cowboy’s Secret Heir, a Christmas romance in my cowboy romance series, deals with this same theme. Abby had avoided the Christmas songs her grandma loved the previous year. But it didn’t work and she still missed Grandma. So this year, she decides to go all out for Christmas, and even involves her little town, too. It’s sort of my version of The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, with a community sing-along. And she finds that Christmas can still be very good, as she and her little boys come to know a wonderful cowboy and a little baby girl comes into all of their lives.

How are you managing with the memories and the current day experiences of your holidays?

Cathy Shouse writes inspirational cowboy romances. Her Fair Creek series, set in Indiana, features the Galloway brothers of Galloway Farms. Much like the characters in her stories, Cathy once lived on a farm in “small town” Indiana, where she first fell in love with cowboys while visiting the rodeo every summer. Please visit  cathyshouse.com for more information on discounts and new releases or to sign up for her newsletter.